The Circle of Life

Yes, the title is reminiscent of the Disney movie, "The Lion King".  It has been so long since I have put my thoughts down on paper (virtually anyway) and so many things have happened to me as well as around me, that it really has been a microcosm of the very biggest picture of all, which is life in general.  If all that doesn't sound sufficiently vague to you then you have a deeper insight than I do.

I have written before about beginnings and endings and that subject does occupy a large portion of my mind.  I am constantly amazed how nearly everything we think, act on, happens to us, or happens to those near us, begins and ends.

I saw my primary medical oncologist who is in Philadelphia in early June.  One year after my cancer had shown up for the third time is once again tucked away.  Will it come back?  Probably.  But for now it represents yet another good ending to beginnings that have been hard to live with.  It is good news indeed and I feel so much better now that I do not have to take the nasty chemotherapy medications that I was on for the last 12 months.  I have been given another chance at life again and I am grateful and plan on "making hay while the sun shines".

June was fabulous in another way.  On June 27th I was able to welcome the birth of my second grandchild, Jett Richard, to our family.  He joins his 2 year old brother Colt Robert and as he begins life with his parents and brother, Colt's life as an only child has ended.  In my opinion Jett is one lucky little boy to be able to join the family he is in - but no luckier than his parents are to have him.  RJ and Mariah are the perfect people to parent two boys and I am confident that as the children continue to grow in their own life circles they will come to realize what a great environment they have been given.  Richard was my father's name and I feel extremely honored that they chose to give little Jett this name.  It is a legacy that is not lost on me.

July.  What a month.  A month that I rarely look forward to although there are bright spots.  3 of my children began life in the month of July.  2 of those lives ended too early.  Kate and Casey were both July babies.  Although they have been gone from this earth for a long time, they always occupy a piece of my heart.  When my life here on earth ends I know I will be reunited with them and that will be a happy day.  It is one reason that I have no fear of death.  My nephew Logan lost his life at the age of 18 on July 16th, Kate's birthday, and was buried on July 23rd, Casey's birthday.  He has been gone too long as well.  Some of my treasures have been laid up in heaven and it will be a day to rejoice when I see them again.  I miss them just as much as I love having RJ and Jessie here.  Blessings in two worlds; for me it's the best way to look at the situation.  Other beginnings happened in this life though that are still reasons to celebrate.  Jessie was born in July.  So were my daughter-in-law and my husband Bob.  When you add to that the fact that one of my nieces was born in July, it makes for a busy month.  I am blessed by each one of them and they add richly to my life.  Beginning and ending memories, all in 31 days.

I was moved to write this piece today because of news I received yesterday afternoon about some good family friends.  As Jessie was growing up, the Olson's were her second family.  Heidi and Jessie were inseparable for years.  They (the Olson family) have had to begin a grieving process that is the result of the tragic death of two of their nephews.  The boys were first cousins, both in their teens, and died as a result of a car accident on July 4th.  I am deeply moved by this premature ending of two lives probably because I understand what two sets of parents as well as extended family must now learn to live with.  My heart breaks for them and although I understand that nobody can "make this better" for them, it is a helpless feeling to wish you could help and know that you can't.  They have great faith and I know that is what they can - and will rely on.  That is a good thing because it is not humanly possible to take this sort of pain away from someone. 

So.....the circle of life continues, for all of us.  Our experiences begin and end.  It is not always birth and death, nor health and illness.  Sometimes it is something little like household projects, or vacations on the lake.  Perhaps it is the beginning and end of a friendship.  There are so many ways to look the circles within the CIRCLE.  I still can't help but wonder where I'm bound in all of this and how many circles I will yet be a part of.  I'm quite sure there will be many more to come and I am just as certain they will come in ways I have never expected.

Blessings to all......

As the present now will later be past....

Those old folk singers seemed to usually have a message worth paying attention to.  Yes, the times, they are a changin'.......Bob Dylan was right.

Perspectives adjust as your life experience changes.  Everything and everyone has the ability to make your point of view change and, if you can look at yourself honestly and openly, you can use the alterations in your perspective to grow and make yourself a better, stronger person; or you can choose to ignore everything that has made your life uncomfortable and refuse to grow and change because you are too afraid.

Whether you are two, twenty-two, or ninety-two, take your experiences and make them work for you.  That is what I have been working on.  I am more sure of who I am than at any point in my life.  I know it is a result of all I have experienced, the good and the bad.  I grew up in a family that had some privilege attached to its name.  I have been to funerals in which the caskets being lowered into the ground have belonged to my children.  I have laid in bed, too sick to reprimand my daughter, who was about to make some very stupid decisions of her own; which at some point will affect her perspective about how she views life.  I have meekly sat by and let people say and do unkind things to one another.  I have personally sat by and let myself be attacked for things that were extremely unfair because the attacker was too unwilling to look themselves in the eye and face the facts. The times, they are a changin.....

I will take responsibility for those things in life in which I had something to do with, for the abilities I have as well as the ones I will never be blessed with (yes mother, I will never be able to cook as well as you). But my shoulders just aren't big enough to take on the responsibility of things I had nothing to do with.  I am streamlining my life in such a way that some people might not like.  Right now, although I feel bad for those that haven't used their own life experiences to help them change their life/lives,  I hope they will somehow find the courage to do what they need to do to take control of changing their own lives.  I don't have what it takes to carry anyone along but myself.  I can help in some situations, but sadly I can' push buttons and make circumstances or outcomes change.

Similarly, when it comes to my perspective of how I can entertain myself, that too has changed.  What used to be the present now feels like the past (well because it is).  I am no longer able to golf or do the other types of physical activities that were my true passions.  The day I was told I could no longer scuba dive was a day I will never forget.  But I can choose things I have not yet tried and I am quite certain I will find something that be nearly as entertaining as those things I held onto so tightly for a very long time.

So, Bob Dylan, yes the times they are a changing.  For everyone that can look at their own perspectives in life:

"Admit that the waters
around you have grown

And accept that soon
you'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth savin'

Then you better start swimming
or your sink like a stone

For the times
they are a changin'."

Peace out...

An Act of Random Kindness

For some reason I have always liked the movie Evan Almighty with Steve Carell.  It is a feel good movie where Morgan Freeman plays God and gets Carell to build an ark.  The plot ebbs and flows, the ark gets built and the good guys win.  At the end of the movie Morgan Freeman writes in the ground with a stick, "ARK"...an Act of Random Kindness.  I experienced one of those today.

I have been the supporter of many - often in such a way that I feel used in the end - taken advantage of.  I realize it is my fault for letting people walk on me because I can be such a wimp.  Many times when I say "no", it really isn't taken seriously because I haven't been a jerk about saying no and therefore have felt blown off.  In the past there have been incidents where I have asked for one simple wish to be followed.  When it wasn't and I held my ground I was labled mean and inconsiderate.  I could give a list the length of my arm where I have looked the other way in spite of what I have said or meant and because I don't stomp my foot, I am ignored.  Today I got a surprise that gave me faith once more in Acts of Random Kindness.

I have mentioned my friends before - and boy, I have some good ones.  I got a package in the mail today from a group of my friends with a gift, picked just for me, that basically said, "thanks for being a good person and a good friend".  On a morning when I didn't want to get out of bed, when the future of where things could go looked bleak, a small box arrives that says "we care".  It was an Act of Random Kindness that meant more that can be said in this blog.  My friends went to some length to collaberate and find something that was so....right.  At a moment in my life when I sometimes wonder if my destiny is to be pushed around and taken advantage of, some very good people assured me that the philosophy of Acts of Random Kindness is neither wrong nor forgotten.  To them I say a very humble thank you.  I love you all.

Acceptance

It has been almost a month since I have written anything.  It has been a busy and thought-driven month.  Have you ever had an experience where you address a problem by first researching what needs to be done, fill yourself with hope that your research will provide the answers you want, and then realize you might just be chasing rainbows that you can't find the end of (don't ever end your sentences in a preposition)?  It seems like I have done a lot of that lately.  I have hoped against hope that some issues I have had to deal with would end up with a concrete, definitive answer of how to address the problem.  All I learned is what I have learned before - there are some things that are just not in my control.  One would think by now that I would have known that - I have certainly had ample events that have driven that point home.  Still, when one hopes so much that things can have a different outcome, but that it isn't in your control to do anything about that outcome, it is kind of like a punch in the stomach.  The next step then becomes obvious.  One sometimes needs to accept things they just wish weren't so.  I need to move forward with that thought, understanding that while I can still hope, I no longer have any need to worry myself with things I can't control.

Yes this post has been enigmatic.  It is really more for a catharsis than anything else.  In the end it really is, "que sera, sera,whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours to see, que sera, sera".

Peace out.

Today I am a copycat

I follow a man by the name of Robert Brault.  He is a free-lance writer who has contributed to many newspapers and magazines over the years.  I love his way of thinking and how he can so carefully craft words into something entertaining and insightful at the same time.  This is an old blog of his but is relevant to my life at this moment.  Maybe it will be for you too.  Enjoy Robert's words:

THE KIND LIE VERSUS THE UNKIND TRUTH (May 15th, 2009)

"I did not suppose, when I wrote the following line, that I was saying anything especially controversial:

'Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.'

-- or when I reiterated the view in this line:

'when a friend needs consolation, nothing will keep you so well until tomorrow as the truth.'

But twice I have seen the first line debated in internet chatrooms, the verdict each time being that telling a falsehood is always bad, opening a Pandora's Box to all manner of disaster.  How do I respond to this?  I respond by coming down coming squarely on the side of kindness.  I believe this puts me on the side of the God of both testaments of the Judaeo-Christian tradition, - the God who gave us the Ten Commandments and the God who gave us the Sermon on the Mount.

To my ear, the commandment against lying seems to have been carefully crafted to exclude the lie of kind intent:  "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor."  The God of Moses had no trouble with clarity.  He was explicit in saying "Thou shalt not kill" and "Thou shalt not steal,", these being clear assaults against one's neighbor.  But had He said, "Thou shalt not lie," his law might have been construed to condone an assault of truth against one's neighbor.  Instead, His commandment puts the emphasis clearly on the consideration of our neighbor's welfare.  The short form of the commandment is not "Thou shalt not lie"  but "Thou shalt not harm thy neighbor by thy word."  It is a corollary to "Love thy neighbor as thyself."

In the Sermon on the Mount, Christ spoke of those "who say all manner of evil against you falsely."  He did not condemn those who say all manner of good of you, in the interest of your welfare, be it false or otherwise.  Here is the God who reduced the commandments to two:  Love thy God and Love thy neighbor.  In giving us the beatitude, "Blessed are the merciful...," did He intend to exclude from the merciful those who bend the truth so as not to hurt their neighbor?

I think of it this way - there is a distinction between the facts that we discern as truth, and the Eternal Truth which is God Himself, to whom our only allegiance is owed, and who has provided us the model of kindness and understanding that should inform our lives.  And so, for myself at least, the rule is simple:

"Love thy neighbor, and if it requires that you bend your understanding of the truth the Truth will understand".

--Robert Brault

When is our purpose in life discovered?

I don't quite know how to say thank you privately in a public place.  It is difficult and perhaps enigmatic as well.  In the last couple of days I have learned that sometimes people come into your life and end up having a profound effect on you or family in ways that were never planned or even contemplated.

For the last "quite some time" our family has gone through some pretty devastating things, some many people know about; a couple of issues only a very small handful of people are aware of.  In the last 72 hours there have been peaks and valleys that have left me breathless just trying to keep up with everything.  Then out of the blue.....

A person we have grown close to over the past almost 6 years began talking about past experiences in her life.  She is such a great person with a generous heart - that much we have known for a long time - but she started encouraging some people that are very close to us in ways that we have been incapable of.  It is said that experience is the best teacher and that if you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes, you are better able to understand what they are going through.  For years I believe one of my life's purposes has been to comfort people who have lost children.  When something like that happens to you, the parents who are left behind do not have to "begin at the beginning" of what it really is to lose a child - unfortunately I already know.  The person I refer to in this blog has been able to reach someone we love very much in a way that it simply isn't possible for me to do because I haven't "walked there".

Is it possible that this person came into our lives almost 6 years ago in a way and for a purpose completely unrelated to what she has been able to do for one of our loved ones in the last couple of days?  I don't know.  Everyone has their own belief system but at this point I really think this person was a integral part in the grand scheme of our life and that the good she can now provide some members of our family is invaluable and was planned long ago by something much bigger than we can ever be.

I realize this post is confusing at best.  What I really want to do is to say thank you to someone who has helped in such a big way with such a big issue.  You never know what form your help or comfort might take.  But hopefully you recognize when you see it.  Thank you friend.  You might have just found one of your purposes in this grand scheme called life.

Where were you?

I just finished watching a show on John F. Kennedy.  For those of us old enough, each one of us likely knows the exact place we were when we heard the news.  I was in 5th grade, Mrs. Ramaker's class.  She was called out of the room and we could see her hand go over her mouth as in making some sort of gasp.  Bobby Chrastil (R.I.P.), being the kind of kid he was slipped out our classroom door to hear the news that was being delivered to our teacher.  He is the one that actually delivered the news to the entire 5th and 6th grades (at that time our school housed two grades per one classroom) although I must admit his delivery was not quite that of Mrs. Ramaker's.  She was able to explain the ramificatations for us as a nation and the significance of it all.  It was the first time I really thought about how the world works together and that there was in fact life beyond the boundaries of Saline County.

For the people of the next generation your reference to news like that would be the bombing of the twin towers.  I am quite certain we all know exactly where we were when we heard the news.  By that time I was old enough to appreciate the ramifications of this horrific act upon the free world.  It is hard to think that there are now humans "out there" that only know of this incident because of history books.  If you think about it, children who were born in 2001 are now 10 years old, likely in the 5th grade and learning from their teachers that there was life before TSA security lines at airports.

We have all had our personal moments that we will never forget that have shaped us individually, made our lives better or worse, or forced us to make different decisions based on the "bump in the road".  There are not a whole lot of moments that have shaped us as a nation where our experiences are similar because of something that happened to us as Americans.  Yes there are degrees of this experience.  I know one young man that lives in New Jersey, an hour's train ride from Manhattan.  His rendition of this experience and the terror that ensued for people in that area heightens the reality of what happened and how individual families were impacted.  For some of them, personal defining moments were sadly created.

In the end for me it has made me revisit how significant moments like these create people who share one common demoninator - we are Americans who love our country and our humanity for all is brought to bear in critical universal moments such as those described above.  Sometimes terrible things happen that bring out the best of what people can be.  We can all do better and it shouldn't take an act of terrorism for us to do something special for our neighbor.  Can you do better?  I am going to try.