My cancer continues to be in remission. I am still, everyday, amazed that it has been nearly 10 years since I heard those words, "you have cancer", and there wasn't much that was terribly optimistic about surviving this long. I don't know how I actually have "made it" this long, but the things I have seen and done since those words were spoken have led me in many directions I would not have otherwise pursued. I have sometimes given up, sometimes taken chances, and have also looked at the glass as half full as well. I believe that I cannot be described as an optimist, nor a pessimist, nor a realist. I got a really great quote from a friend of mine that does sum things up for me though. Mary shared this with me from William Arthur Ward: "The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; and the realist adjusts the sails". I am some of all of those (or a SUM of all of those).
I have a new baby grandson. He is a lucky little guy. Things could have gone so horribly wrong for him and his parents. But with the grace of God, he is here, healthy, and beautiful. His extended family feels so blessed. I can look at him for hours and think two things: either I shouldn't have been here, or he shouldn't have been here, but here we are - two lucky ships in that "sea of dew", from Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.
"His little eyes will hold me to him forever.
Wynken and Blynken are two little eyes,
And Nod is a little head,
And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies
Is a wee one's trundle-bed.
So shut your eyes while mother sings
Of wonderful sights that be,
And you shall see the beautiful things
As you rock in the misty sea,
Where the old shoe rocked the fishermen three:
Wynken,
Blynken,
And Nod. "
I have been able to cross my fingers about other, emerging questions - and I hold out hope...much more than I had a year ago. I am old enough now to know that nothing much is really forever, and that both people and circumstances change, for good and not so much...and I also know that because of these changes, we can't (as a human race) remain static. For me at least functioning in a dynamic world is the way I have discovered I am happiest. I have - and continue to learn - about what I can affect and what I can't and to "not sweat the small stuff". Thing is, what has become "small stuff" for me, probably isn't for other age groups. I worry less about finding a job, wondering about the future for my children (although that one never REALLY goes away), or what my waist line will look like. I. am. content.
I continue to enjoy my Facebook connections with people I have known for decades. You know, those people that you really don't need to explain your history to, because they lived it with you? I like my childhood friends, the friends I developed as we raised our children together, and relatives that have been, "long lost". I am grateful for each of these relationships, and I am warmed by memories when I am in contact with any of them. That is one of the joys of aging...less drama.
My animals continue to be one of the centers of my life. Abby and Topaz, my yellow labs, Kala, Jane, and Jigs, my cats, and Roman, my bird enrich my life.
Lastly, my husband Bob, is something. He puts up with my eccentricities (I am not sure how) and I put up with his (I am not sure how). We are a marvelous match of weird and geeky. I wouldn't be alive without him so I quite literally owe him my life.
Thanks to all of you for being who you are. Each of you is important to me. I can't quite imagine my life without the knowledge that I know someone like you. Some of you make me laugh, some of you ground me, some of you give me memories. All of that is important to me. I appreciate every single one of you.
Blessings to each of you in 2012. I wonder if I'll keep writing? I should. I always feel like I have accomplished something after I take the time to do so.
Blessings to all...
Ane
