Tuesday, February 12, 2013
A Mountain Out of a Molehill
“There are some things in this world you rely on, like a sure bet. And when they let you down, shifting from where you've carefully placed them, it shakes your faith, right where you stand.”
― Sarah Dessen, Someone Like You
What a long time it has been since I have written. Being busy is good - to a point. In this decade of life, I am beginning to have different "wants". Whatever I have done in my life I have done whole-heartedly and when the going got very tough for me, somehow I forged ahead. There are people that have always been in my corner. In today's world, "I got your back" is used more often. Sadly, people seem to change.
I have discovered that it is true what I have seen written. People who expect things given to them also resent you when you don't "come through" on something seemingly insignificant. It is crazy. What is so amazing is that it has happened to me from a number of directions in recent weeks. You find out people aren't who you think they are. People become angry and seemingly embittered when their vision of your own life becomes broken.
Today I am tired. I feel beaten. I feel used. I am disappointed. I just got the greatest message via text from someone I love to the moon and back. It has lifted my spirits. An acceptance of my point of view. I am grateful. Someday maybe others will also understand that not only sticks and stones break bones, but words do hurt, but sometimes no words hurt just as much. Apologies go a long way. Perhaps I am overly sensitive because I am no longer in the spring of my life. It is definitely autumn in this house - at the very least the dog days of summer. Maybe I am supposed to get used to being dismissed and being made to feel stupid and foolish. But I will set my compass in a different direction and sail a new course.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Yes this is enigmatic. It is meant to be.
Friday, August 17, 2012
ROOTS AND BRANCHES
As I look back at the first two-thirds of 2012, I realize
how much has happened - in a pretty short period of time. It has also made me reflect, as I often do, on
what drives people to follow the path they have chosen. I probably should have been an anthropologist
because I ponder this sort of thing frequently. But no, I run a tool business, and I think one
of the reasons I do is because of the characteristics that were instilled in me
by some pretty important people in my life.
I like to think of this as my “roots and branches” concept.
At the end of July I attended the funeral of my 102 year old
aunt. Her grandson John gave the eulogy
and in my opinion he did a pretty darn good job of summing up her life. Some of what he had to say not only made me
fondly remember Aunt Harriet, but his words reinforced why I think and believe
in many of the things I do.
John’s opening to the eulogy was this: “To quote Ferris Bueller, ‘Life moves pretty
fast. If you don’t stop and look around
once in a while, you could miss it’”. He
went onto talk about Harriet, what she meant to family, friends, and community
and some of his words were especially meaningful, because someday I hope that
someone will be able to say the same about me.
John said,
·
“…Throughout all of those years and those many
changes, her core values, principles and ideals remained steadfast. Integrity, hard work, education, community,
family, faith, and fun were her guideposts and touchstones”.
·
“Granny could not hear well, but she was a very
good listener--when she wanted to be”.
·
“She could not see well, but she called ‘em like
she saw ‘em”.
·
“She could not drive well (this should have been
in all capital letters...), but she went far and was well traveled”.
·
“Of course today it is expected and customary
for women to be involved at all levels of business leadership and
management. But that was not true in the
early and even latter parts of the 20th century. I am very proud to know that my grandmother
was a business pioneer, although she would have never characterized nor
described herself as such. She was clear
in always saying she was part of a team that communicated and worked well
together and who cared for each other and all involved. She felt truly blessed to be able to go to
work each day and do the things she was passionate about. To her it was great fun”.
·
“Harriet Fort lived for over 102 years. She loved and was loved by all in her
family. She had many good friends. She had a productive and rewarding
career. She had a wonderful smile, a
great laugh, a true zest for life and strong faith. She was generous and kind. She had an impact on many lives and made a
difference. She did it her way. That is a pretty good legacy”.
Harriet, her parents and her siblings (one of whom was my
father) gave much to many. Most of what
I was given was a belief in myself and my ability to carve my way in this
world, no matter how the chips were to fall.
I learned how to stay on the balls of my feet, reacting to many life
situations that were just plain hard and not very fair. I bobbed.
I weaved. I was able to do that
because of where I came from - my roots - which were my family and the small Midwestern community that lived the concept
of, “it takes a village to raise a child”.
I am a branch having been nourished by these roots and it was then and
there, on those open graveled streets, that my core values were formed.
My children are now at an age where they are beginning to
understand the value of their own roots.
With such a large age gap between my two (13 years) they are in
completely different life circumstances and each beginning to forge their OWN
way in their OWN lives. RJ has a family
of his own now and it is becoming increasingly clear to him how he is and will
be a role model for his sons. What
values will they learn? I hope the
values of integrity, education, hard work, community, family, faith, and fun... the values that have been passed from parent
to child in our family for generations.
Jessie is on her way to beginning a new chapter in her life. She will be moving to Los Angeles next week
and embarking on her own new journey.
Although her teen-age “angst” years were not easy for neither her nor me,
I am convinced that she came through them because, all along, she had the
internal values instilled in her, just like they were in me when I marched
myself through those years. Both of my
children are new branches on the tree. I
am one proud mother to two very different kids.
I understand new branches bud and begin to develop, but for
whatever reason something happens and they just can’t mature. Not everyone can become strong and rooted. Some branches die completely and some become
bent or bruised but not broken. Their
branches take a unique shape but somewhere, deep inside, I believe they too have been
nourished.
And so I will end this most current rambling of mine. Take Ferris' word, look around, and appreciate where
you have been and where you are going. I
am proud of where I have been, I am proud of where I am now, and I can only
hope I have instilled some pretty darn good roots for my own children as they
branch out into their respective lives.
Time will tell. The roots grow
deep.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Past, present, future....
So I just celebrated two important milestones in this long and dusty road. One week ago I had a "decade" birthday and it also coincided with the 10 year anniversary of my first cancer diagnosis. I had this plan to write a lengthy discourse on where my life has taken me over the last 10 years. I will save most of it and parcel it out, because quite frankly, it is a little too much to think about and the flu sort of took over and sapped most of the energy I have had recently. In 10 years I have lost my father, my son, my brother; my husband's parents. I watched helplessly as my daughter had to navigate her adolescence without a "present" mother. I agonized that I wasn't giving enough time to either of my children because I couldn't.
But look at the other side of the coin! I watched my son get married and witnessed the joy he and his wife felt as they welcomed their two sons into the world. I have experienced the satisfaction of feeling that my daughter is evolving into what I know she can become. I love my family, my animals, and the people around me. I have been given the chance to be able to look back; to have experienced the good and the "not so much" rather than the alternative.
So there is the bad and the good. Now what to hope for? Well, I hope mostly for the health and happiness of my children. As Kahil Gibran wrote, "out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars". My children like me have suffered life. I hope that through what they have suffered they will use it to strengthen all they are and do. I am so proud of each of them. I can only hope they are proud of me as well.
Blessings............
But look at the other side of the coin! I watched my son get married and witnessed the joy he and his wife felt as they welcomed their two sons into the world. I have experienced the satisfaction of feeling that my daughter is evolving into what I know she can become. I love my family, my animals, and the people around me. I have been given the chance to be able to look back; to have experienced the good and the "not so much" rather than the alternative.
So there is the bad and the good. Now what to hope for? Well, I hope mostly for the health and happiness of my children. As Kahil Gibran wrote, "out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars". My children like me have suffered life. I hope that through what they have suffered they will use it to strengthen all they are and do. I am so proud of each of them. I can only hope they are proud of me as well.
Blessings............
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
My last post of 2011
Well here it is, December 27th. My last post for the year. I will use this as a holiday card, sort of, and get everyone up to speed on the comings and goings of my life over the last months as well as reflections on this last decade as a whole. Good, bad, ugly. Blessings, struggles. Trials, tribulations. It is quite true that the older one gets the more quickly time flies. I'm not quite sure how I got to the end of the year so fast, but I will tell you - again - that I am very glad I did (get to the end of the year).
My cancer continues to be in remission. I am still, everyday, amazed that it has been nearly 10 years since I heard those words, "you have cancer", and there wasn't much that was terribly optimistic about surviving this long. I don't know how I actually have "made it" this long, but the things I have seen and done since those words were spoken have led me in many directions I would not have otherwise pursued. I have sometimes given up, sometimes taken chances, and have also looked at the glass as half full as well. I believe that I cannot be described as an optimist, nor a pessimist, nor a realist. I got a really great quote from a friend of mine that does sum things up for me though. Mary shared this with me from William Arthur Ward: "The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; and the realist adjusts the sails". I am some of all of those (or a SUM of all of those).
I have a new baby grandson. He is a lucky little guy. Things could have gone so horribly wrong for him and his parents. But with the grace of God, he is here, healthy, and beautiful. His extended family feels so blessed. I can look at him for hours and think two things: either I shouldn't have been here, or he shouldn't have been here, but here we are - two lucky ships in that "sea of dew", from Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.
I have been able to cross my fingers about other, emerging questions - and I hold out hope...much more than I had a year ago. I am old enough now to know that nothing much is really forever, and that both people and circumstances change, for good and not so much...and I also know that because of these changes, we can't (as a human race) remain static. For me at least functioning in a dynamic world is the way I have discovered I am happiest. I have - and continue to learn - about what I can affect and what I can't and to "not sweat the small stuff". Thing is, what has become "small stuff" for me, probably isn't for other age groups. I worry less about finding a job, wondering about the future for my children (although that one never REALLY goes away), or what my waist line will look like. I. am. content.
I continue to enjoy my Facebook connections with people I have known for decades. You know, those people that you really don't need to explain your history to, because they lived it with you? I like my childhood friends, the friends I developed as we raised our children together, and relatives that have been, "long lost". I am grateful for each of these relationships, and I am warmed by memories when I am in contact with any of them. That is one of the joys of aging...less drama.
My animals continue to be one of the centers of my life. Abby and Topaz, my yellow labs, Kala, Jane, and Jigs, my cats, and Roman, my bird enrich my life.
Lastly, my husband Bob, is something. He puts up with my eccentricities (I am not sure how) and I put up with his (I am not sure how). We are a marvelous match of weird and geeky. I wouldn't be alive without him so I quite literally owe him my life.
Thanks to all of you for being who you are. Each of you is important to me. I can't quite imagine my life without the knowledge that I know someone like you. Some of you make me laugh, some of you ground me, some of you give me memories. All of that is important to me. I appreciate every single one of you.
Blessings to each of you in 2012. I wonder if I'll keep writing? I should. I always feel like I have accomplished something after I take the time to do so.
Blessings to all...
Ane
My cancer continues to be in remission. I am still, everyday, amazed that it has been nearly 10 years since I heard those words, "you have cancer", and there wasn't much that was terribly optimistic about surviving this long. I don't know how I actually have "made it" this long, but the things I have seen and done since those words were spoken have led me in many directions I would not have otherwise pursued. I have sometimes given up, sometimes taken chances, and have also looked at the glass as half full as well. I believe that I cannot be described as an optimist, nor a pessimist, nor a realist. I got a really great quote from a friend of mine that does sum things up for me though. Mary shared this with me from William Arthur Ward: "The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; and the realist adjusts the sails". I am some of all of those (or a SUM of all of those).
I have a new baby grandson. He is a lucky little guy. Things could have gone so horribly wrong for him and his parents. But with the grace of God, he is here, healthy, and beautiful. His extended family feels so blessed. I can look at him for hours and think two things: either I shouldn't have been here, or he shouldn't have been here, but here we are - two lucky ships in that "sea of dew", from Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.
"His little eyes will hold me to him forever.
Wynken and Blynken are two little eyes,
And Nod is a little head,
And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies
Is a wee one's trundle-bed.
So shut your eyes while mother sings
Of wonderful sights that be,
And you shall see the beautiful things
As you rock in the misty sea,
Where the old shoe rocked the fishermen three:
Wynken,
Blynken,
And Nod. "
I have been able to cross my fingers about other, emerging questions - and I hold out hope...much more than I had a year ago. I am old enough now to know that nothing much is really forever, and that both people and circumstances change, for good and not so much...and I also know that because of these changes, we can't (as a human race) remain static. For me at least functioning in a dynamic world is the way I have discovered I am happiest. I have - and continue to learn - about what I can affect and what I can't and to "not sweat the small stuff". Thing is, what has become "small stuff" for me, probably isn't for other age groups. I worry less about finding a job, wondering about the future for my children (although that one never REALLY goes away), or what my waist line will look like. I. am. content.
I continue to enjoy my Facebook connections with people I have known for decades. You know, those people that you really don't need to explain your history to, because they lived it with you? I like my childhood friends, the friends I developed as we raised our children together, and relatives that have been, "long lost". I am grateful for each of these relationships, and I am warmed by memories when I am in contact with any of them. That is one of the joys of aging...less drama.
My animals continue to be one of the centers of my life. Abby and Topaz, my yellow labs, Kala, Jane, and Jigs, my cats, and Roman, my bird enrich my life.
Lastly, my husband Bob, is something. He puts up with my eccentricities (I am not sure how) and I put up with his (I am not sure how). We are a marvelous match of weird and geeky. I wouldn't be alive without him so I quite literally owe him my life.
Thanks to all of you for being who you are. Each of you is important to me. I can't quite imagine my life without the knowledge that I know someone like you. Some of you make me laugh, some of you ground me, some of you give me memories. All of that is important to me. I appreciate every single one of you.
Blessings to each of you in 2012. I wonder if I'll keep writing? I should. I always feel like I have accomplished something after I take the time to do so.
Blessings to all...
Ane
Saturday, October 8, 2011
What happened to 2011
It is now seriously into October. All the resolutions made in January - have they happened? My resolution to be a regular blog writer was a fail. I have gained a lot personally from the time I spent writing and thinking, but I have wasted more than my fair share of time as well.
It is still refreshing to think that, as I am heading (too) quickly toward yet another decade, I can still love learning and take great pleasure in doing just that. I have started many projects this year, few of which have really stuck with me. Still I look upon all of it as life experiences and know that with my personality, I will continue to change it up as time moves on.
Some of the things I have done this year are:
I redeveloped my interest in scrapbooking and card making. Sadly, I think that is one thing that no matter how many times I try to like it, I am just "not that into it". I have good intentions but - well - I don't think it is my thing. I have crocheted....hmmm, it is fine, but I think my Grandmother Venrick would be seriously rolling her eyes at me.
I started going through a lifetime of stored memories in our basement and warehouse. I have things from my parents, from my brother, and from my children. I have found that the memories I have left of Kate and Casey are just too hard to part with. I seem to be able to get through RJ and Jessie's things and make lovely memory boxes for them. Parting with the other things will have to be left for someone else to do. We have too much "stuff" and I want to get through all of it if I can. Our warehouse is becoming too cool to work in as fall marches on, so for the winter I will take my project back to the basement. Why is it harder to part with things that belonged to people who are no longer with us?
I have taken up an interest in geneaology. I have a long way to go, but I have learned that I have grandfathers that fought in the Civil War on both the Confederate and Union sides. It is pretty darn interesting. As I move further back into the generations, it obviously becomes more and more confusing. I can spend a half a day on one clue for one person and still not be sure if I'm right. This kind of thing suits my general propensity for loving research. If I had to do it all over again, I probably should have chosen a career in something to do with research. It fits my propensity to like both being alone and liking to learn new things. I have found the odd newspaper article here and there that talks about things my grandfathers did and how they got from one state (Pennsylvania) to another (Ohio). That is fun as well. My brother always used to tell me that the answers to our questions are out there somewhere, you just need to know what to ask and where to look...sounds like research to me.
Before the end of the month my next project will be learning further skills with a Desktop Publishing program. I guess that isn't really a necessary skill for me, but it will be something fun to do...kind of like when I started my learn to speak Danish kick through Rosetta Stone. That didn't last either.
Oh, Scrabble online is something new I have been doing. I always thought I was a better player than I am. When I see the way some people play, I am blown away by their word skills and creativity at properly using the scrabble board. Still, it is fun and it helps keep my mind sharp.
My husband has developed some health problems that we hope can be fixed with a rather major surgery. That will be coming up in late October. We have spent since 2002 dealing with my ill health and now that I finally seem to be in a good place with that, it's hard on both of us that it is now his turn. For better or worse, in sickness and in health isn't always the easiest - but we are comitted to one another and helping each other get to the best health place we can. Hopefully he will be fixed up and we might even have a chance to travel some and just enjoy "being" and not really "doing" for a change.
As always, my animals are my everything. A couple of them are getting old and we need to begin thinking what life will look like without them. It is something that is hard to do.
So what is really constant in this life of mine that I tend to change up all the time? Family. My kids are black and white, night and day, up and down. It doesn't matter that they are different from one another. It matters that they have the feeling that they can be adults in their own right, knowing that with their choices come consequences. I want each of them to find something they love to do and do it to the best of their ability. Neither of them need to think they need to be what I want them to be. I do want them to feel their own responsibility to society and their families. I love them both, in spite of their incredible differences. It still amazes me that children born of the same parents can turn out so differently. My soapbox stand is that different isn't bad...it is just....different. Let each of my children embrace their own uniqueness as well as respect each others.
So as I close this blog, laying on my bed with my laptop, two dogs and three cats sharing my space and keeping me warm on this crisp fall afternoon, I urge each of you to think back to the beginning of the year, think about what you THOUGHT you might do or learn and compare it to what you ACTUALLY HAVE done. Maybe you are track - maybe you aren't. I say it doesn't matter. I think it is all good. What you actually did do likely gave you a different perspective on life and kept your brain busy in ways you didn't imagine 10 months ago. We all change our ideas and that is what makes the world go 'round. And..after all, 2012 is just around the corner. It will be time to make new resolutions once again!
Blessings,
Ane
It is still refreshing to think that, as I am heading (too) quickly toward yet another decade, I can still love learning and take great pleasure in doing just that. I have started many projects this year, few of which have really stuck with me. Still I look upon all of it as life experiences and know that with my personality, I will continue to change it up as time moves on.
Some of the things I have done this year are:
I redeveloped my interest in scrapbooking and card making. Sadly, I think that is one thing that no matter how many times I try to like it, I am just "not that into it". I have good intentions but - well - I don't think it is my thing. I have crocheted....hmmm, it is fine, but I think my Grandmother Venrick would be seriously rolling her eyes at me.
I started going through a lifetime of stored memories in our basement and warehouse. I have things from my parents, from my brother, and from my children. I have found that the memories I have left of Kate and Casey are just too hard to part with. I seem to be able to get through RJ and Jessie's things and make lovely memory boxes for them. Parting with the other things will have to be left for someone else to do. We have too much "stuff" and I want to get through all of it if I can. Our warehouse is becoming too cool to work in as fall marches on, so for the winter I will take my project back to the basement. Why is it harder to part with things that belonged to people who are no longer with us?
I have taken up an interest in geneaology. I have a long way to go, but I have learned that I have grandfathers that fought in the Civil War on both the Confederate and Union sides. It is pretty darn interesting. As I move further back into the generations, it obviously becomes more and more confusing. I can spend a half a day on one clue for one person and still not be sure if I'm right. This kind of thing suits my general propensity for loving research. If I had to do it all over again, I probably should have chosen a career in something to do with research. It fits my propensity to like both being alone and liking to learn new things. I have found the odd newspaper article here and there that talks about things my grandfathers did and how they got from one state (Pennsylvania) to another (Ohio). That is fun as well. My brother always used to tell me that the answers to our questions are out there somewhere, you just need to know what to ask and where to look...sounds like research to me.
Before the end of the month my next project will be learning further skills with a Desktop Publishing program. I guess that isn't really a necessary skill for me, but it will be something fun to do...kind of like when I started my learn to speak Danish kick through Rosetta Stone. That didn't last either.
Oh, Scrabble online is something new I have been doing. I always thought I was a better player than I am. When I see the way some people play, I am blown away by their word skills and creativity at properly using the scrabble board. Still, it is fun and it helps keep my mind sharp.
My husband has developed some health problems that we hope can be fixed with a rather major surgery. That will be coming up in late October. We have spent since 2002 dealing with my ill health and now that I finally seem to be in a good place with that, it's hard on both of us that it is now his turn. For better or worse, in sickness and in health isn't always the easiest - but we are comitted to one another and helping each other get to the best health place we can. Hopefully he will be fixed up and we might even have a chance to travel some and just enjoy "being" and not really "doing" for a change.
As always, my animals are my everything. A couple of them are getting old and we need to begin thinking what life will look like without them. It is something that is hard to do.
So what is really constant in this life of mine that I tend to change up all the time? Family. My kids are black and white, night and day, up and down. It doesn't matter that they are different from one another. It matters that they have the feeling that they can be adults in their own right, knowing that with their choices come consequences. I want each of them to find something they love to do and do it to the best of their ability. Neither of them need to think they need to be what I want them to be. I do want them to feel their own responsibility to society and their families. I love them both, in spite of their incredible differences. It still amazes me that children born of the same parents can turn out so differently. My soapbox stand is that different isn't bad...it is just....different. Let each of my children embrace their own uniqueness as well as respect each others.
So as I close this blog, laying on my bed with my laptop, two dogs and three cats sharing my space and keeping me warm on this crisp fall afternoon, I urge each of you to think back to the beginning of the year, think about what you THOUGHT you might do or learn and compare it to what you ACTUALLY HAVE done. Maybe you are track - maybe you aren't. I say it doesn't matter. I think it is all good. What you actually did do likely gave you a different perspective on life and kept your brain busy in ways you didn't imagine 10 months ago. We all change our ideas and that is what makes the world go 'round. And..after all, 2012 is just around the corner. It will be time to make new resolutions once again!
Blessings,
Ane
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
The Circle of Life
Yes, the title is reminiscent of the Disney movie, "The Lion King". It has been so long since I have put my thoughts down on paper (virtually anyway) and so many things have happened to me as well as around me, that it really has been a microcosm of the very biggest picture of all, which is life in general. If all that doesn't sound sufficiently vague to you then you have a deeper insight than I do.
I have written before about beginnings and endings and that subject does occupy a large portion of my mind. I am constantly amazed how nearly everything we think, act on, happens to us, or happens to those near us, begins and ends.
I saw my primary medical oncologist who is in Philadelphia in early June. One year after my cancer had shown up for the third time is once again tucked away. Will it come back? Probably. But for now it represents yet another good ending to beginnings that have been hard to live with. It is good news indeed and I feel so much better now that I do not have to take the nasty chemotherapy medications that I was on for the last 12 months. I have been given another chance at life again and I am grateful and plan on "making hay while the sun shines".
June was fabulous in another way. On June 27th I was able to welcome the birth of my second grandchild, Jett Richard, to our family. He joins his 2 year old brother Colt Robert and as he begins life with his parents and brother, Colt's life as an only child has ended. In my opinion Jett is one lucky little boy to be able to join the family he is in - but no luckier than his parents are to have him. RJ and Mariah are the perfect people to parent two boys and I am confident that as the children continue to grow in their own life circles they will come to realize what a great environment they have been given. Richard was my father's name and I feel extremely honored that they chose to give little Jett this name. It is a legacy that is not lost on me.
July. What a month. A month that I rarely look forward to although there are bright spots. 3 of my children began life in the month of July. 2 of those lives ended too early. Kate and Casey were both July babies. Although they have been gone from this earth for a long time, they always occupy a piece of my heart. When my life here on earth ends I know I will be reunited with them and that will be a happy day. It is one reason that I have no fear of death. My nephew Logan lost his life at the age of 18 on July 16th, Kate's birthday, and was buried on July 23rd, Casey's birthday. He has been gone too long as well. Some of my treasures have been laid up in heaven and it will be a day to rejoice when I see them again. I miss them just as much as I love having RJ and Jessie here. Blessings in two worlds; for me it's the best way to look at the situation. Other beginnings happened in this life though that are still reasons to celebrate. Jessie was born in July. So were my daughter-in-law and my husband Bob. When you add to that the fact that one of my nieces was born in July, it makes for a busy month. I am blessed by each one of them and they add richly to my life. Beginning and ending memories, all in 31 days.
I was moved to write this piece today because of news I received yesterday afternoon about some good family friends. As Jessie was growing up, the Olson's were her second family. Heidi and Jessie were inseparable for years. They (the Olson family) have had to begin a grieving process that is the result of the tragic death of two of their nephews. The boys were first cousins, both in their teens, and died as a result of a car accident on July 4th. I am deeply moved by this premature ending of two lives probably because I understand what two sets of parents as well as extended family must now learn to live with. My heart breaks for them and although I understand that nobody can "make this better" for them, it is a helpless feeling to wish you could help and know that you can't. They have great faith and I know that is what they can - and will rely on. That is a good thing because it is not humanly possible to take this sort of pain away from someone.
So.....the circle of life continues, for all of us. Our experiences begin and end. It is not always birth and death, nor health and illness. Sometimes it is something little like household projects, or vacations on the lake. Perhaps it is the beginning and end of a friendship. There are so many ways to look the circles within the CIRCLE. I still can't help but wonder where I'm bound in all of this and how many circles I will yet be a part of. I'm quite sure there will be many more to come and I am just as certain they will come in ways I have never expected.
Blessings to all......
I have written before about beginnings and endings and that subject does occupy a large portion of my mind. I am constantly amazed how nearly everything we think, act on, happens to us, or happens to those near us, begins and ends.
I saw my primary medical oncologist who is in Philadelphia in early June. One year after my cancer had shown up for the third time is once again tucked away. Will it come back? Probably. But for now it represents yet another good ending to beginnings that have been hard to live with. It is good news indeed and I feel so much better now that I do not have to take the nasty chemotherapy medications that I was on for the last 12 months. I have been given another chance at life again and I am grateful and plan on "making hay while the sun shines".
June was fabulous in another way. On June 27th I was able to welcome the birth of my second grandchild, Jett Richard, to our family. He joins his 2 year old brother Colt Robert and as he begins life with his parents and brother, Colt's life as an only child has ended. In my opinion Jett is one lucky little boy to be able to join the family he is in - but no luckier than his parents are to have him. RJ and Mariah are the perfect people to parent two boys and I am confident that as the children continue to grow in their own life circles they will come to realize what a great environment they have been given. Richard was my father's name and I feel extremely honored that they chose to give little Jett this name. It is a legacy that is not lost on me.
July. What a month. A month that I rarely look forward to although there are bright spots. 3 of my children began life in the month of July. 2 of those lives ended too early. Kate and Casey were both July babies. Although they have been gone from this earth for a long time, they always occupy a piece of my heart. When my life here on earth ends I know I will be reunited with them and that will be a happy day. It is one reason that I have no fear of death. My nephew Logan lost his life at the age of 18 on July 16th, Kate's birthday, and was buried on July 23rd, Casey's birthday. He has been gone too long as well. Some of my treasures have been laid up in heaven and it will be a day to rejoice when I see them again. I miss them just as much as I love having RJ and Jessie here. Blessings in two worlds; for me it's the best way to look at the situation. Other beginnings happened in this life though that are still reasons to celebrate. Jessie was born in July. So were my daughter-in-law and my husband Bob. When you add to that the fact that one of my nieces was born in July, it makes for a busy month. I am blessed by each one of them and they add richly to my life. Beginning and ending memories, all in 31 days.
I was moved to write this piece today because of news I received yesterday afternoon about some good family friends. As Jessie was growing up, the Olson's were her second family. Heidi and Jessie were inseparable for years. They (the Olson family) have had to begin a grieving process that is the result of the tragic death of two of their nephews. The boys were first cousins, both in their teens, and died as a result of a car accident on July 4th. I am deeply moved by this premature ending of two lives probably because I understand what two sets of parents as well as extended family must now learn to live with. My heart breaks for them and although I understand that nobody can "make this better" for them, it is a helpless feeling to wish you could help and know that you can't. They have great faith and I know that is what they can - and will rely on. That is a good thing because it is not humanly possible to take this sort of pain away from someone.
So.....the circle of life continues, for all of us. Our experiences begin and end. It is not always birth and death, nor health and illness. Sometimes it is something little like household projects, or vacations on the lake. Perhaps it is the beginning and end of a friendship. There are so many ways to look the circles within the CIRCLE. I still can't help but wonder where I'm bound in all of this and how many circles I will yet be a part of. I'm quite sure there will be many more to come and I am just as certain they will come in ways I have never expected.
Blessings to all......
Sunday, April 17, 2011
As the present now will later be past....
Those old folk singers seemed to usually have a message worth paying attention to. Yes, the times, they are a changin'.......Bob Dylan was right.
Perspectives adjust as your life experience changes. Everything and everyone has the ability to make your point of view change and, if you can look at yourself honestly and openly, you can use the alterations in your perspective to grow and make yourself a better, stronger person; or you can choose to ignore everything that has made your life uncomfortable and refuse to grow and change because you are too afraid.
Whether you are two, twenty-two, or ninety-two, take your experiences and make them work for you. That is what I have been working on. I am more sure of who I am than at any point in my life. I know it is a result of all I have experienced, the good and the bad. I grew up in a family that had some privilege attached to its name. I have been to funerals in which the caskets being lowered into the ground have belonged to my children. I have laid in bed, too sick to reprimand my daughter, who was about to make some very stupid decisions of her own; which at some point will affect her perspective about how she views life. I have meekly sat by and let people say and do unkind things to one another. I have personally sat by and let myself be attacked for things that were extremely unfair because the attacker was too unwilling to look themselves in the eye and face the facts. The times, they are a changin.....
I will take responsibility for those things in life in which I had something to do with, for the abilities I have as well as the ones I will never be blessed with (yes mother, I will never be able to cook as well as you). But my shoulders just aren't big enough to take on the responsibility of things I had nothing to do with. I am streamlining my life in such a way that some people might not like. Right now, although I feel bad for those that haven't used their own life experiences to help them change their life/lives, I hope they will somehow find the courage to do what they need to do to take control of changing their own lives. I don't have what it takes to carry anyone along but myself. I can help in some situations, but sadly I can' push buttons and make circumstances or outcomes change.
Similarly, when it comes to my perspective of how I can entertain myself, that too has changed. What used to be the present now feels like the past (well because it is). I am no longer able to golf or do the other types of physical activities that were my true passions. The day I was told I could no longer scuba dive was a day I will never forget. But I can choose things I have not yet tried and I am quite certain I will find something that be nearly as entertaining as those things I held onto so tightly for a very long time.
So, Bob Dylan, yes the times they are a changing. For everyone that can look at their own perspectives in life:
"Admit that the waters
around you have grown
And accept that soon
you'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth savin'
Then you better start swimming
or your sink like a stone
For the times
they are a changin'."
Peace out...
Perspectives adjust as your life experience changes. Everything and everyone has the ability to make your point of view change and, if you can look at yourself honestly and openly, you can use the alterations in your perspective to grow and make yourself a better, stronger person; or you can choose to ignore everything that has made your life uncomfortable and refuse to grow and change because you are too afraid.
Whether you are two, twenty-two, or ninety-two, take your experiences and make them work for you. That is what I have been working on. I am more sure of who I am than at any point in my life. I know it is a result of all I have experienced, the good and the bad. I grew up in a family that had some privilege attached to its name. I have been to funerals in which the caskets being lowered into the ground have belonged to my children. I have laid in bed, too sick to reprimand my daughter, who was about to make some very stupid decisions of her own; which at some point will affect her perspective about how she views life. I have meekly sat by and let people say and do unkind things to one another. I have personally sat by and let myself be attacked for things that were extremely unfair because the attacker was too unwilling to look themselves in the eye and face the facts. The times, they are a changin.....
I will take responsibility for those things in life in which I had something to do with, for the abilities I have as well as the ones I will never be blessed with (yes mother, I will never be able to cook as well as you). But my shoulders just aren't big enough to take on the responsibility of things I had nothing to do with. I am streamlining my life in such a way that some people might not like. Right now, although I feel bad for those that haven't used their own life experiences to help them change their life/lives, I hope they will somehow find the courage to do what they need to do to take control of changing their own lives. I don't have what it takes to carry anyone along but myself. I can help in some situations, but sadly I can' push buttons and make circumstances or outcomes change.
Similarly, when it comes to my perspective of how I can entertain myself, that too has changed. What used to be the present now feels like the past (well because it is). I am no longer able to golf or do the other types of physical activities that were my true passions. The day I was told I could no longer scuba dive was a day I will never forget. But I can choose things I have not yet tried and I am quite certain I will find something that be nearly as entertaining as those things I held onto so tightly for a very long time.
So, Bob Dylan, yes the times they are a changing. For everyone that can look at their own perspectives in life:
"Admit that the waters
around you have grown
And accept that soon
you'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth savin'
Then you better start swimming
or your sink like a stone
For the times
they are a changin'."
Peace out...
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